you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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