so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
