every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
His nipple licking is glorious
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