John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
