I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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