i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
