u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
