the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
