ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
