hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
