There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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