Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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