I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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