This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
