My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
