First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
