Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
