He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
