I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
