omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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