It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
