Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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