Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
