i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
