i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Randomize
