I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
