I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
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