She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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