I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
