thus making me awesome and them whores
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
