this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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