This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Randomize
