youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
