I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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