Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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