Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
