It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
