I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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