Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
