I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
