We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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