Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
