He had one of those small greek statue penises
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
