i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
