I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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