Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
