Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
