When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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