do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
