You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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